21 DAYS OF TRANSFORMATION
What an epic journey this was. I have had some pivotal moments in my life, those moments when you reach the end and realise you are no longer the same person. You have changed. This 21 day – section in my life is one of them.
I had reached a crossroads in my life that led me to feeling stuck. Not knowing where to go or what to do. I wasn’t driven by the usual suspects of Who Am I and Why Am I Here. I was driven by feeling such a heaviness in my being that I couldn’t shake it. It’s like much of my story broke away to come to the surface but I had no idea what to do with that. So I carried a cloud over me of murkiness. A general discomfort. I knew part of what had risen up was many stored emotions that, in that moment of life I didn’t want to deal with, so lovingly the body stored them for me for a later date.
In hopes to start shifting some of the greyness in my being, I started running to try and physically move it. After a while my legs did their usual extreme unbearable itchiness thing that happens when I sweat. I recalled itchiness was a sensation of repressed anger and acknowledged that emotion in the moment – yep on the side of the road in broad daylight. Suddenly tears spilled over and I sobbed through the pain of feeling neglected by whatever it is you call the divine (if anything). I relived the emotions of feeling like they had abandoned me and left me to suffer alone. I relived the victim mentality I had thought long shifted and suddenly relief as the itchiness from my legs dissipated.
I use the word relived quite terribly here. It was a sensation of remembering but knowing it wasn’t real. I knew I wasn’t really abandoned but my body still held onto this. The sensations had to be acknowledged and felt in order to be released.
This was a huge insight for me in how important it is to feel our stuff. Whether we like it or not, we hold onto to things we don’t want to feel. We hold onto the things we don’t want to deal with.
I still however carried this grey murkiness around me. It was like walking through my societal commitments on high level gravity. “I need to vision quest” I thought to myself.
But that presented some fears for me. First I couldn’t afford a vision quest. $15 was a lot for me at the time. Could I do this by myself? To vision quest involved a 3-4 day fast. I had a fear of passing out from lack of food which I knew would happen. The longest I could fast was barely 2 days without the spots and dizziness appearing. I am very lucky however to be surrounded by beautiful amazing friends. It was this wonderful friend in particular who started to ask questions and dive deeper with me into what my actual fear was. She put me onto breatharianism. Queue life changing moment which lead to where I am now. I can’t afford the workshop not to mention I am guided to take action now. I can absolutely do this myself. I just need to recalibrate my relationship with food.
For the back story and for some context on what this endeavour meant to me – I had a love hate relationship with food. I loved it, I mean really really loved food. But my relationship with it had grown unhealthy. I felt my body not needing any more but my mind couldn’t be satisfied and continued to call in more and more until I was in all places of discomfort. My mind and my body were not in sync with one another. I felt I was a slave to my mind and it used food as a source of control. I ate unconsciously (not even remembering if and what I ate, just mindlessly putting food in my mouth).
After many years of doing this dance with food, attempting fasts, mono eating, various diets, etc. I made the commitment to myself to explore the world of the breatharian and attempt to remove the need for food entirely. I planned to retrain my mind as well as separate myself from it. I already believed the mind drives the body so it wasn’t a far leap from where I already was in my beliefs.
I planned to start with celery juice and potatoes for the first week, moving to fruit and celery juice in week two, going solely to juice in week three before I embarked on my vision quest – ready and fully prepped to fast.
I planned to focus on exercises that opened up my energy centres as well as meditating and observing as often as I could.
I felt determined to see this through and not give up. Before I started I knew it in the cells of my bones this would alter the course of my life forever and giving up was not ever an option. On some level I even felt like I was doing it for more than myself, for other people too. More on this will follow later. I felt determined to release my mind from its attachment to food. To ultimately be free from self imposed limitations all together. Dream big and you may find all your dreams come true.
The posts that follow will be excerpts from my (sometimes) daily diary entries with add ins here and there from deeper insights that followed on later.
Before I sign off from the prelude of this journey, I would like to say that for anyone wishing to embark on something epically life changing, you do not need money or time (or anyone to take the kids), or even know how. Simply the willingness to achieve the thing you desire, an openness to receive inspiration on how to get there and the daring enough to do it.
If I have learnt anything at all, it’s that all is possible.